In truth, all any of us do is put one foot in front of the other hour after hour, day after day, month after month and just keep going, because there really is no other option.....and time passes and circumstances change and even the constants in our lives take on a different hue, and we feel that we will never ever get there.....but the journey can't stop........ and at some hour in some day of some month we will be glad we are travelling...and just like carrie says to miranda at new year 'not alone'.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday!!!!!!!!! a lie in tomorrow followed by our usual weekend treat....purleeese I'm talking about breakfast.....and even though I am practically vegetarian a weekly crispy bacon sandwich followed by ginger jam on toast with a pot of tea (always a pot, can't do the teabag in a mug thing) sets me up nicely for the weekend............It is FREEZING here in the midlands, but the snow is gone and each day there is something ever so slightly more creeping slowly towards spring either in the garden or the sky...this month is almost over......what will this year bring?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
- Where oh where on earth am I going to find the balls to give up my bloody job? 30 wasted years doing something I hate because it is so mindless, easy, local and handy yet soul destroying? time I will never get back...
- why am I watching big brother? time I will never get back..
- should I cut and colour my hair?
- how do people ever choose their top 5 in various lists? music/books/films/lovers/cities? I would never be able to ... I am a madam of mood and tastes change..
- However I do love a list....compiling this nonsense is quite satisfying...
- I am a terible friend who does not put in as much as I get out...
- Will have to get my arse in gear this year..in so many ways..
- got to cuddle an 8month old baby today...oh so very lovely....God is good.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Well, I feel quite good about myself now.....did the washing, ironing, opticians, cooking, shopping, and little extras also 'cos my gorgeous big son called in for a cup of tea (his day off too) and he helped......when he lived at home (he now lives with his lovely girlfriend) he used to say that he should'nt be called his name, he should be called 'heavy lifting or technical' 'cos that's what I used to want his help with.......love love love my boy.....anyhoo.....I even did homemade roasted vegetable soup today so now feel like true domestic goddess......INTERRUPTION HERE...just picked up my lovely daughter from the station...she has been out in town and now wants to show me what she got from topshop and to open the ASOS box that was delivered today....I want a glass of wine but don't think I have any!! Cava in the fridge but a cup of tea will do......
Day off today. Husband and daughter both at work. Should be cleaning, ironing, shopping, cooking, tidying,taking my glasses back to opticians. Have just been sat here for an hour in my dressing gown reading blogs......is this what happens once you start blogging? and at what point do you feel ok posting comments on newly discovered blogs? will you feel like an uninvited guest? and how can you get your 'get up and go' to return when its gotten up and gone?....need to go and get dressed now and start doing things...will return later in the day...if anyone reads this please offer solution to 'I need to stop being a lazy f..ker' problem for me..thanks
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Took my mother to an appointment at hospital recently and whilst there, me with my mom linking me as we slowly made our way through the busy waiting area, out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman sat in the corner looking at me....it was one of those 'do I know her' moments, and as mom and I approached the door to leave I glanced across at her and she seemed to half stand and smile at me...I felt myself smiling back and feeling so glad to see her,yet the moment was gone as mom wittered away at me and we made our way through the door.............some time later as we retraced our steps the other way to leave we came back through the same door and again out of the corner of my eye I saw her sat there to my right...but I felt myself turn more to mom on my left and hurry our linked arm steps.....I did'nt want to see her and talk to her and find out who she was....but her face has been on my mind since then.......what's that all about?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Thinking about my post last night, I realised that in fact I shall be sorry when my daughter can drive.....it will be such an 'ending'.....both of my babies will be grown and independently mobile and no longer need me.....and I felt such a sad yearning for those years long gone when buggies and car seats and bikes and skates were such a normal everyday part of our lives.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Still in my pyjamas as I have'nt even dressed today....have been shuffling about like a right old woman....walking home last night I slipped on the ice and fell flat on my back with my right leg tucked under me...isnt it strange how the slip/fall thing happens so quickly but while its happening,in your head it seems to be slow motion...as I lay there some very kind people came to try to hoist me up and off the ice and as one lady said 'dont move you've bumped your head' another one said 'here's the ambulance'....now this seemed to me to be very curious as I had only just fallen and had'nt bumped my head ... had I been unconscious? how was there an ambulance there so quickly? I had only just fallen.... anyhoo it seems that a passing ambulance had seen me fall and stopped anyway....don't you just feel such a fool when you slip or fall....but today I feel like I have been beaten up.....and how old granny do you feel when your 18 yr old daughter offers to rub some pain relief gel on you before she skips off out into the Saturday night.....
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Today was the funeral of my Auntie who died on Boxing day. I took my mom and dad to the church and funeral and small 'do' afterwards. I was sad for my cousins but strangely found so much of today a beautiful day...being blessed by still having my parents.....holding on to my moms hand in the church while we listened to her favourite hymns and she gently sobbed.....being in the beautiful church where both my auntie and my parents were married over 60 years ago....the bright bright blue sky and crisp white snow at the cemetery....holding a beautiful flower to throw into the waiting plot where my auntie was reunited with her husband...smiling with my dad as he enjoyed the hot soup, cold guinness and warm memories...driving safely home and thinking how beautiful life is.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Cannot stop sneezing.....look oh so ladylike when blowing my nose and snuffling away.
The snow outside is about 6 inches deep! looks pretty...might be a bit of a bugger in the morning trying to drive to work though....and I know that we don't measure in inches anymore....
Friday, January 1, 2010
Gavin Bryars...Jesus' blood never failed me yet.........look it up on youtube. I love Tom Waits and the one time I saw him live in Lon...