Friday, July 29, 2016

So.........

I have two days off a week, Monday and Friday. I really do know that this work pattern is fabulous, giving me long weekends, but, as I remind my colleagues, I am part time and I don't get paid for the Friday and Monday and I have been doing this job for 37 years so this fairly new and  rather lovely work pattern is, in my opinion, hard earned and much appreciated.
My parents live an hours drive from me, so I visit them on my day off and do this journey every week, and of late twice a week. By the time I have driven there, listened to them share whatever is on their minds that day, taken Pa shopping, had a cup of tea with Ma, and driven back, the day is effectively done. Last Friday I went over, last Monday I went over, and today I was planning to stay home and get a few things done on the home front........Pa rang me last night to ask if I 'was going to come over today?'. I steeled myself and said no, and immediately felt churned up.....about so many things. About how reliant they have become on me being there, and how Pa's voice is when he rings (Ma sits in the background directing him with what to say), his voice being a sort of cheerful and casual but not really casual enquiring voice.....and how he says 'oh ok..don't worry...we'll manage....no problem' when I say I won't be over. Guilty is the mood for today. Just lately, I find that being with Pa is very emotional.....he is disappearing before my eyes and I don't like it. He was always a tall well built man...always cracking jokes and being full of life. Now, he is still tall, but he is thin, and wobbly and slow and frequently has bruises (a side effect of the warfarin he is on) and his confidence is gone and he reminds me of an anxious child now....something about the look on his face when he asks a question. I am his child. He is my Pa. This reversing of roles is a journey I am not enjoying...and I suspect neither is he.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Teetering.....

On the edge of posting pictures of the cats and the garden...which would be rubbish and boring.
Nothing wrong with cats and gardens, as I read lots of lovely blogs which do just that, and do it brilliantly, but I am beyonnnnnnnnnnd bored of what I have to say here at the moment.
Truth be told I feel very restricted here.......following a self imposed way of posting that is never too honest or open and is private and ... and ... restricted.
Breathe...........breathe.............breathe.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Not too bad a start........

Today has been full of good stuff......
a) not being at work -good
b) holding my neighbours 6week old grandson - good
c) eating fresh raspberries for breakfast - good
d) having a brisk walk around the block - good
So far, not too shabby a day......

Friday, July 22, 2016

As if the world and all its' people didn't puzzle me enough............

This scent 'Tocade' by Rochas, is one I have been wearing to work for a long time. Strangely I never wear it when I'm not at work...I don't know why, but I wear a different scent in my non work life.
As you can see by the bottle on the left it is time for some more.
The mister very kindly fired up the internet and ordered some for me...and it has arrived in a different bottle. Tocade is an old scent (for an old lady like me) and I don't think you can buy it in shops anymore, so I'm not sure if this is just a change of bottle or some pretend stuff .... puzzling.

Also, I had to take my big sister to a hospital I was not very familiar with earlier today for an x ray, and drove into the car park, passing lots of signs that said 'don't forget to pay'......I then took an age wandering around like an idiot with my purse in my hands looking for the machine to pay some money into, and was quite flummoxed by the only machine I could find that turned out to be where you plug in electric cars. I stood looking at it for a while and in my head was reminded of Candid Camera and wondered if I was making someone somewhere laugh.  I decided to go into the hospital and ask where the machines were and of course the machine is inside the building next to the receptionist who told me that my car had been photographed on the way in and I could just put my registration details in on the way out....of course my car reg went completely out of my head and I then had to walk all over the car park again to look at it and then return to the machine......I felt so foolish, although there was a queue of people all looking perplexed and lining up at the machine mumbling and muttering just like I was. Of course we were all of a certain age so .........this modern world is very puzzling.

Most puzzling of all is why we, humankind, act the way we do.
Trump may become the next Potus,.....half of the population is fighting, verbally, against the other half, a coconut on a stick has more sense than most of our politicians, half the world has no food and the other half too much, murder and mayhem are commonplace in news reports now and common sense and decency and kindness seem in short supply.

What on earth is going to become of us all?


Monday, July 18, 2016

I'll pay for this......

Saturday afternoon and evening.
Sunshine.
Coast.
Family.
Laughter.
Good time.
WINE.

Sunday - all day.
Headache and hangover and mutterings of 'NEVER AGAIN'.

I knew with each glass I drank that I would regret it...but I ignored that little voice......

I just can't handle drinking and hangovers anymore.......what a lightweight I've become.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Chance encounters.....

I suppose that because it was our anniversary on Sunday, I have been thinking about how we meet our partners. Do we know immediately that this person is the one we will spend our lives with?
I don't believe in 'soul mates' and 'love at first sight'.
I believe in the 'oh..it's you' feeling.
I remember that when I met my mister he made me laugh, and I loved his company, yet he was nothing like the lads I usually fell for. I had a thing for tall, thin, dark and moody types, who usually wore jeans and smoked, both tobacco and weed.
My mister was average height, fair haired, had never had a cigarette (has still never had one), wore suits and loved clubbing rather than festivals. Chalk and cheese.
We met on a training course.
We were so very different. I drank pints with whisky chasers, had really really short hair and dressed in doc martens and boiler suits, and I smoked. His usual girlfriend type was short, blonde, busty and very girly.
The day we met we went to the pub together at lunchtime, and 13 weeks later, after seeing each other every day, he proposed...and just before I answered, in my head I thought 'oh..it's you...what a surprise...you're not the one I vaguely imagined I'd marry..but I can't imagine not marrying you....it feels like coming home'...so I said yes and here we are ....35 years later.
How did you meet the person who shares your life?

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Tomorrow is promised to no-one.........

Somebody said this to me or I read it recently and it has been going around and around in my head.
Today is here and I am in it and who knows what the future brings. I am not afeared though...I was until a little while ago but have now decided to be sanguine about it....it will be ok..the world will turn, there will be good and bad and worry is pointless.
There is to be no Brexit/politics/tennis/football/cycling/US elections/world calamity in this post.
If, as I have decided, I am to really try and savour each and every day I have had more than enough of all of those subjects just for now. I am going to focus on the good, or even the just alright. Think about what I like and what pleases me. Smile each day. Re-energise my blog and publish posts about music and memories and lists and nonsense and sex and friends and whatever I feel like.
34 years ago today we got married. It was the hottest day of the year. Today is cold and windy and damp but that is OK because I have shelter and food and an incredibly fortunate life. I have posted about my wedding before so I shan't do it again, but it does seem like such a long time ago, and now
we are happily and eagerly awaiting the birth of our first grandchild in November, and I have wanted this for so long, it still seems a little unreal. So much to look forward to.......

OK - ask me a question.....give me a starting point........embracing friendships (both in real life and blog life) and mentally shaking things up a bit is the way forward I think........